Coming Out As Lesbian

Your sexual orientation entirely depends on YOU, and only YOU! Research shows that a person's sexual orientation can be anywhere on a continuum, from being exclusively attracted to the opposite sex, being bisexual to being exclusively attracted to the same sex. An (outdated but still widely used) example of this spectrum is illustrated by Alfred Kinsey's Scale Test aka The Heterosexual – Homosexual Rating Scale (1948).

For some people, with time their sexual orientation can bend and flip i.e. at first they fully identify with one label but may not feel that way anymore at a later time and even go back to that label. So they experience their sexuality and gender as being "fluid". Perhaps, you may feel that your's changes at different points in your life. Only YOU get to define your sexual orientation. And, only YOU get to define your label.

At first, becoming aware that you fancy someone of the same sex may cause you emotional conflict such as worrying about not being hetty (heterosexual), confusion, anxiety, and denial of feelings particularly if you are living in a religious / traditional environment or where same sex relationships are illegal. This internal conflict can lead to "passing" (attempts to behave as hetty (heterosexual)) or being "in the closet" (keeping your identity to yourself). Do seek out information (safely) online or through reading, watching gay (non-porno!) movies or talk to your very close friends. It may be a phase or it may not - it entirely depends on YOU!

Please DON'T confide with ChatBots / AI! ChatBot / AI results AREN'T HUMAN! In ChatBots, every lonely cry for help or musing is mirrored right back at YOU by a pattern-matching MACHINE / CODE that appears human but is NOT human. The human in the interaction may spiral which may cause the ChatBot to mirror into destructive thoughts. Coming out and other experiences like loosing a loved one are only human experienced which a computer code / AI / ChatBot can not replicate. Conversing with AI / ChatBot can complicate someone's psychology, put them in mentally unstable places that may lead to destructive thoughts. If you are using ChatBot / AI for personal issues please read Evening Standard's Beware the Chatbot - Sept 2025 and research other articles.

Please seek HUMAN help from a trustworthy family member / friend or seek sweet help from specialised HUMAN organisations such as thetrevorproject.org, childline.org.uk, www.stonewall.org.uk ...

It is entirely up to YOU if you wish to come out. No one should force or pressure you to come out until you are ready. Nor should any one force you about how OUT you are.

If you are thinking of coming out to someone, understandably like soooo many others, you might be worried about:

• if it is illegal - check out Human Rights Watch's Anti-LGBT Laws By Country Profiles
• how they'll react
• whether they'll understand and support you
• if they'll tell anyone else
• that you might be discriminated against or bullied - see below

Moreover, there are many stages of coming out, for example:

• Coming Out to oneself - Coming out as being gay / bi is part of a journey of identity formation, self understanding, and self-acceptance. The coming out process begins with coming out to oneself about who you are as a sexual being. This may be a frightening process, especially if your sexual orientation is socially condemned, OR it may be an epiphany, liberation, or an affirmation of what has been apparent for a long time, or all of the above.
• Coming Out to close friends / siblings - hopefully they will show their support and affirmation they still love you as you are.
• Coming Out to parent(s) - Some will be lucky to have stellar parents as the tiktok compilation below heart warmingly shows. Some, however, may have less understanding parents. If you still live with your parents and depend on their financial support and are worried they may take it away, throw you out or be verbally abusive or violent toward you if you come out to them, seriously reconsider telling them. Nothing is more important than your personal safety and well being. Your friends will support you and there are organisations out there to help you, while you live there and are "passing".
• Coming Out at work - Though the EU and some other countries have created legislation combating sexual orientation discrimination in the area of employment, many countries, however, do not have such legislations. Even with such legislation, derogatory comments may still be said on your desk / water cooler so do consider your work environment and whether you wish to come out in your workplace. I have huge empathy on this. A confession - at work, discussing Dubstar (who I dearly loved and lived with at the time), I changed ... her gender reference, so she ... became a ... HE even though I was working in London, in the ... 2020s! :( Line me up, opposite a firing squad of ... pie throwers.
• Coming Out to the WORLD! Coming out on social media is indeed coming out to the WORLD but open to a possible deluge of comments some of which may be cutting unlike a web site. Hmmm ... I am no social media influencer and, shoot me I've become a social media ... cynic - even though I'm a slick SEO, I'm no longer into social media apart from marketing companies I work for. Your choice.

Foremost, only you get to define your sexuality and you should be the one who determines if AND when, where, to whom and how you disclose your sexual identity. A positive response to your coming out, from others can lead to higher self-esteem, greater self-acceptance and can help you feel less isolated. A negative response can be gutting.

National Coming Out Day is an annual celebration which takes place on 11 October every year. It was first celebrated on the one-year anniversary of the 1987 National March on Washington for American Lesbian and Gay Rights – a date chosen to honour the bravery of LGBTQ+ individuals who decided to come out and live openly. Although it started off as an American awareness day, the meaning of National Coming Out Day is still highly relevant to LGBTQ+ communities across the world. It's a day to celebrate the beauty of being true to yourself, for having the courage to share an important part of your life with others, for celebrating those who may come out to you and raises the visibility of LGBTQ+ communities. Hugely important - National Coming Out Day isn't a day to force LGBTQ+ people to come out, or to shame anyone who hasn't done so.

The bestest coming out song!

More coming out songs to dance on the tables.

Coming out is a hugely personal process that's different for everyone who does it. For some people, it may feel easy peasy, whilst for others it's uber scary. Even if you know you'll be accepted for who you are, there's still that fear of the unknown. If you have any gay friends ask them how they did it. How you come out is your choice but figuring out how you want to come out may help make things a little easier to manage.

Try telling someone you really trust and who you think will react positively first, to see how you feel which, may gain you confidence. This could be a friend, a close family member, teacher... Here are some ideas for how to come out - with a caveat that they are only suggestions:

• Test the water!
  • In conversation - casually drop in a gay topic into conversation e.g. cool LGBTQ+ celebrities (Kristen Stewart / George Michael), LGBTQ+ TV programme / movie (e.g. "It's a sin") or a LGBT issue in the news, to suss out their thoughts on this.
  • Show a few signs - hmmm ... like buying a rainbow band, gay book... and see how they react in conversation when they see this.
• If you're, understandably, struggling to say it out loud:
  • Give them a sign - e.g. from TikTok vids - rainbow cake / flag / song to listen to (this rainbow song COMING OUT by Ally Hills has received over 12 million Youtube views and over 39K inspiring comments!). Hmmm ...
  • Write a letter / send an email - this can be a way to start a conversation with someone you trust. In an email / letter you can really express yourself. You can't see their reaction, however, and you will have excruciating miss-heartbeats while waiting for their response. Coraggio.
  • Whatsapp / Text - this may get you a quicker reaction, however, beware, we've all written something quickly which may unintentionally be construed badly. Please don't do it when you are a wee bit tipsey :) A gutting response I got from a v slick close friend ... "your personal life is none of my business" :(
  • Announce / hint to it on social media - hugely brave as this coming out is to ALL your network and even. perhaps... the internet WORLD.
• Say it:
  • Sit down and talk - groover, do have an idea of what you are going to say. And if you need understandably Dutch courage, learn from me, do only ONE shot - don't do it when you're a wee bit tipsey (my complete fail!).
  • Car ride conversations - psychologists have noted that some of the most meaningful conversations have been made ... in a car as it's less stressful, as: sitting beside some one gets rid of eye contact, there's a limited amount of time to tackle a meaningful topic and as you are moving together, this can lead to the psychological or emotional concept of moving toward something together.

These are just a few suggestions. It's all about finding whatever works best for YOU.

Also do consider that a friend may suss that you are gay and may wish to support you but they don't know how to approach the taboo subject. During a recent tipsey rendezvous, a hetty (straight) friend suggested that I added this page as she had a friend who is in the closet, living in a religious country (South Africa) and she wanted to reach out to her friend though didn't know how to. I told her to drop it in the conversation, to her friend, that she had had a mega fun night out with her slick queer friend (me :) to see if this would start a conversation. Though I was reluctant to add this page, as I do not wish to push anyone to come out. I hope I may have helped her friend and, others with this page.

Watch this sweet youtube video about coming out with over 10,000 comments.

Hmmm ... sometimes, to say the least, coming out might not go the way you hope or expect. I'll be honest, my beloved Mummy ... cried whilst I then hid in my bedroom for ... THREE Days much to Daddy's bewilderment (I didn't tell him as he was an old-skool army man). It took a while for Mummy, as I think she was so sad I wouldn't give her grandchildren, but, later she did want to talk about my crushes / relationships. Do allow whoever you tell, time to assimilate your coming out. Do remember for some of us it took ageous to gather who we are, so in the first coming out conversation, some listeners might not immediately slam on "YMCA", dance with you and pop rainbow party-poppers. Also, do take into account the listeners age (hopefully becoming less relevant as LGBTQ+ becomes more acceptable) and religous beliefs. Even if someone doesn't know how to react or doesn't react well at first, they might support you later.

If your parents or a parent has taken your coming out badly:

• Talk to someone you trust - it is really important for you to get support from people who you trust and or from an LGBT organisation, school / uni counsellor who will have dealt with many coming out experiences and will have sweet empathy.
• Be patient - sometimes parents are in shock and need the space to deal with their own emotions. Why did they react badly? It could be for numerous reasons... because they are religious, they come from a traditional background ("What will the neighbours say!", they are worried for you for the gay life they think you will lead and a possible lonely life with homophobic abuse, disappointment that you wont bare them grandchildren... But sometimes, when they have had time to process this disclosure, some parents do feel guilt and regret, for a very long time, for reacting the way they did. I know my beloved Mummy did! Their possible cringe point responses and how to perk yourself up:
  • Treat yourself to a bottle of Moet - if they say "It's just a phase you are going through". A, true classic! Many of us have had that response.
  • Treat yourself to a slick new outfit - if they say "Being gay is abnormal" i.e not the human norm. As demonstrated throughout this site, you are not the first, the only, nor the last person to be attracted to the same sex. Moreover, in 2011 in the Czech Republic, archaeologists unearthed the grave of what may be the remains of the oldest known 'transsexual' man. The prehistoric male skeleton dates to the Copper age (2900 to 2500 years ago) and was surrounded not by weapons but by domestic jugs and objects (like an oval, egg-shaped container) previously seen only in female graves. There have been LGBTQ+ groovers
  • Treat yourself to a slick holiday - if they say "Being gay is unnatural". But how do they define "natural"? They might define "natural" - "as found in nature and not involving anything made or done by people" (Cambridge Dictionary.) Spoiler alert: same sex love does occur in nature: albatrosses, dolphins, elephants, female Japanese Macaques (snow monkeys), giraffes, lions, penguins... If they define "natural" as instinctual, stemming from brain function prior to conscious thought, i.e. human choice, then homosexuality can't be classed as unnatural because, as any LGB groover will tell you, attraction towards the same sex is entirely instinctual to them. FYI unlike muppet me, don't say tipsily "it's in my blood"!
• Try and discuss it again - when the moment is right, try and discuss it again with them: (hard ask) try and ask them why they had a bad reaction to your coming out and, tell them how you feel. Communications is so important.
• Try not to take it personally - their reaction is not your fault and you should not feel ashamed. There is nothing wrong with you. You are being exactly who you were always meant to be.
• You are not alone - you are not the first, the only, nor the last person to be attracted to the same sex. Surround yourself with friends who love you and support you for who you are. Moreover, the LGBTQ+ community will offer you support as we have all gone through the dreaded coming out process.

If you've faced bad reactions to coming out, I'm so sorry. Sweeties, you will still get support from the many people who love you and do accept you, particularly those in the LGBTQ+ community. Looking on the brightside, a positive response to your coming out from others can lead to higher self-esteem, greater self-acceptance and can help you feel less isolated. Attitudes towards LGBTQ+ people are changing, so negative experiences with coming out are becoming hopefully, less likely to happen in time.

Generation Z - WOW!: you are so brave coming out in social media! Personally, no way would I have filmed Mummy's reaction for social media, to my coming out to her. Even though I thought she had hinted to it several times and had some cool gay friends in Berlin - my coming out was ... a total DISASTER, LOL! A heart warming coming out TIKTOK compilation but not for everyone to come out this way:

These are just a few coming out FAQ. There is a wealth of advice online for you. Stay safe. In bocca al lupo (In the mouth of the wolf - an Italian idiom originally used in opera and theatre to wish a performer good luck prior to a performance).

PS If you see a lonely gay soul sipping her / his drink nervously in a gay venue (and obviously, not out for a pull) please consider, being an angel and speaking to them. Some of us have been in that situation, where we have summoned the hugest guts to enter a gay venue for the first time and alone, and, were desperate for some kind person to bring us into a friendly conversation.

Once your confidants know you are attracted to the same sex, sadly, you can't always control what they disclose to others about your sexual orientation due to inherent human nature. All of us and those in the past have had the heebie-jeebies of being "Outed" - so you are not alone in this anxiety. It's a role of the dice when revealing ANY secret, so consider carefully, who you share a secret e.g come out to at first. Some fab confidants, will loyally keep schtum but others may "out" (disclose your sexual preference) to others by accident, wishing to help, gossipy or maliciously. I so believe in this old-skool adage "A problem shared is a problem halved". Mega please don't deal with the stress and anxiety of being "outed", alone. 10p bet - you will feel consoled by your cheerleading of trusted friends and hopefully get good advice on how to deal with it.

Types of being "outed":

• Inadvertent Outing: a person may "out" you, even your gay bestie, by pure accident for example mentioning your partners name, mentioning a well-known gay club/ bar you go to, posting a slick pic of you at jolly gay event on social media ... For example, actress Samira Wiley who played the well-loved character Poussey Washington, in the popular TV series "Orange Is the New Black" star was outed by a co-star during an interview by referring to Samira as one of the "out gay actors" in the cast, before Samira had publicly come out herself.
  • Speak to the person who by accident outed you to find out what was revealed and how the other person / others reacted.
  • Also discuss with them if you should consider, if you feel safe enough, to Re-Out yourself but on your own terms by making a statement post to control the narrative.
• Wishing to help Outing: a person may "out" you with the sincerest intentions that they are trying to help you, for example they tell it to someone who they think might be supportive like a friend of Dorothy, if you don't have any gay friends.
  • Speak to the person who outed you to find out what was said and how the other person reacted.
• Social Media Outing: someone may "out" you via social media (such as on Instagram, Facebook ... or via a digital platform such as Whatsapp). Some social media "Outing" is by innocent accident, however, sometimes social media outing can lead to online abuse. Working as a slick SEO, I have witnessed the sad demise of social media commenting and the complete disrespect of social media companies to protect their users from hate comments, stalking, cyberbullying, sextortion, fake AI image generation ... the list is long and appalling.
  
  In the UK, Hate crime is defined as a crime against someone based on a part of their identity like sexual orientation. Though I am no legal eagle, there are at least two laws that cover malicious communications in the UK. In England and Wales, the Malicious Communications Act 1988 makes it an offence to send a communication with the intention of causing distress or anxiety. The Online Safety Act 2023 (the Act) is a new set of laws that protects children and adults online and, specifically Section 127 makes it an offence to send an electronic message that is grossly offensive or of an indecent, obscene or menacing character. Though The Online Safety Act 2023 was welcomed yet long overdue, it is inadequate. If you are receiving online hostility or prejudice because of your sexual orientation:
  • Seek Support: asap tell a trusted friend, family. Also consider contacting support services like Childline (UK) or call them on Childline 0800 1111, LGBTQ+ organisations and The Cyber Helpline (UK), as they will be experienced in tackling such issues. Also discuss with them if you should consider, if you feel safe enough, to Re-Out yourself but on your own terms by making a statement post to control the narrative.
  • Screenshot Everything: Capturing date and time, save copies of the abusive posts, messages and profiles of the harassers involved. Gather this evidence in case you report the abuse to cell phone service providers, social media sites, your school/uni and the Police.
  • Don't Engage: don't reply to abusive comments or retaliate directly with the harasser as this can escalate the online abuse.
  • Block the Person: to prevent further contact and harassment.
  • Review Privacy Settings: consider making your social media accounts private and limit who can see your profile and posts.
  • Report to Social Media platforms: Use the platform's reporting tools to flag the content in the "hope" they will remove the offending comments and ban the user. Though social media companies are notorious for being despicably slack regarding taking down offensive content, at least you can tell the Police, should you have to report it, that you have contacted the platforms. Stopbullying.gov (USA) has a helpful list of links to report cyberbullying to various online platforms.
  • Contact the Police: In the UK you can report it via police.uk and report-it.org.uk(a police reporting tool) or call the Police on 101.
  • Take A break: after this has been resolved why not take time out from social media and go out and play with your sweet friends. Going out with friends is way more fun than spending screen time - you may even strike it lucky and ... pull!
• Workplace Outing: a work colleague / manager may unintentionally or intentionally "out" you. In the UK, the Equality Act 2010 protects employees from discrimination and harassment based on sexual orientation. Personally, I am selective regarding which work colleagues I am out to as I wish to been judged for my skills, expertise and my teamsmanship and not by sexual orientation. I do think I have been outed by accident / gossip in the workplace to other work colleagues, however, I have been sooooo lucky in that those who found out, never said anything to me about it and acted normally with me. A hug to them as some of them must have sussed themselves as I never discussed crushes / partners over the desks / at the watercooler, in the kitchen ... unlike all my hetty work colleagues (snoreville city) which surely must be the hugest rainbow hairpin!
  
  I really, do not wish to make you anxious but in case you experience workplace harassment based on sexual orientation:
  • Get Emotional support: workplace "outing" can be a real freak out. To be honest, in every work place, I have been "out" to only a few trusted work colleagues. Immediately seek emotional support by speaking to a trusted confidant and or to a LGBTQIA+ orgnisation.
  • Find out Work Colleagues reaction: try and find out what was the reaction to this news by your work colleagues who were not in the know. If they reacted well, discuss this with them as they may not have gossiped to other work colleagues. Indeed you may have struck it lucky and discover that your work place is gay-friendly so it may be the opportunity to be "out" in a safe place. Check out stonewall.org.uk's "Top 100 Employers 2024" based on a Workplace Equality Index. If you don't feel comfortable, however, ask your work colleagues not to further out you to other colleagues. Only you should have the right to tell whoever, that you are gay especially in a work place.
  • Document work place discrimination: if any work colleague reacts negatively to the outing and subsequently is hostile / abusive / discriminative / harasses you - keep detailed records of the outing, any negative reactions, and subsequent events (recording time, place, witnesses, messages).
  • Undertake employee right's research: re-read your company work policy / contract and do online research about your rights in the work place for example petertatchellfoundation.org's Harassment Advice. It's always beneficial to be well-informed before speaking to HR.
  • Seek Union support: if you are a member of a work union seek advice. If not, read for example unison.org.uk's page on "Discrimination and bullying because of sexual orientation".
  • Discuss with HR: hopefully your HR manager is passionate about their job and they can resolve the situation without requiring a formal complaint. The discussion will alert the company to discrimination in their company and if the company is decent (in the UK this comes under the Equality Act 2010), will prompt corrective action.
  • Consider free legal advice: in some countries, Workplace Outing and gay discrimination in the work place may violate privacy laws or workplace protections. In the UK, sexual orientation is one of 9 'protected characteristics' covered by discrimination law via the Equality Act 2010. Acas.org.uk has a good summation of how the Equality Act 2010 covers sexual orientation discrimination. Online there is free legal advice with helplines regarding anti-LGBT hate crime and harassment, from e.g. Citizens Advice Bureau, The Equality Advisory Support Service (EASS), Galop (who specialise in dealing with anti-LGBT hate crime and harassment). It's great to be well-informed of your rights before making a formal complaint to your HR dept.
  • Report to HR: If the consequences of the "outing" become intolerable, consider making a formal complaint to HR.
  • Find a new job: in the worst case scenario that you are subjected to gay discrimination - look for a new job. Life is way too short to unhappily tolerate work place discrimination.
  In the UK, Lesbians (and LGBTQ+ people) can win workplace discrimination cases. In 2011, for example, a Scottish lesbian police officer was subjected to a relentless series of homophobic conduct which made her resign, only six months into her job. She successfully sued the Dumfries and Galloway Constabulary and her supervisor for discrimination on the grounds of sexual orientation - read more on the BBC.
• Media Outing: some scandal thirsty media companies may "out" public figures like pop singers, actors, athletes, MPs to increase print circulation and online clickbait. Famous / public people have the right to their privacy too. Media outing in the 1990s was prolific and unjust. For public figures who were victims of media outing some athletes like tennis ace Billie Jean King lost her current and potential sponsorship deals while some actors like fabulous Rupert Everett lost new acting roles.
  
  Can you imagine, as recent as 2022, popular and award-winning Australian actress Rebel Wilson best known for co-staring in the fun "Pitch Perfect" movie trilogy was shockingly given a 48-hour deadline to comment on her relationship with Ramona Agruma (the founder and designer of Lemon Ve Limon, a sustainable clothing company based in Los Angeles) before a despicable journalist from "The Sydney Morning Herald", planned to "out" her (shame on you journalist) in a gossip column. Under extreme pressure, a day before her media outing, Rebel decided / was forced to come out on Instagram, but under her own narrative, and "announced" her relationship with Ramona. Bravo - Rebel's Instagram "coming out" was received with a wave of congratulations from fans and famous friends - along with more than 1.6 million likes. The Schmucks at "The Sydney Morning Herald" denied outing her - read more on the BBC.
  
  When stellar singer George Michael was victim to a media frenzy when he was arrested in 1998, in a Beverly Hills public loos for "lewd conduct", bravely, defiantly, stylishly and on his own terms, George "Re-Outed" himself with his release of the iconic and tongue-in-cheek "Outside" track and vid which reached number two in the UK Singles Chart!
  
  
  
  
  In the UK, there are now some Media Regulatory Codes for example:
  • TV and Radio broadcasters: Section 8 of The Ofcom Broadcasting Code prohibits "unwarranted" infringements of privacy. Broadcasters must demonstrate a high public interest (e.g., exposing a crime) to justify outing someone.
  • Publishers (Print & Online): Clause 2 (Privacy) of the IPSO Editors' Code of Practice states that everyone is entitled to respect for their private (including their sexual relationships) and family life, and editors must justify any intrusion (e.g.Outing someone). Moreover, Clause 12 (Discrimination) states under:
    "i) The press must avoid prejudicial or pejorative reference to an individual's race, colour, religion, sex, gender identity, sexual orientation or to any physical or mental illness or disability.
    ii) Details of an individual's race, colour, religion, gender identity, sexual orientation, physical or mental illness or disability must be avoided unless genuinely relevant to the story."
• Malicious Outing: In very rare and despicable circumstances, someone may threaten to "out" you as a form of control or coercion. Such people are utterly NASTY and NOT to be given in too. Any form of coercion is wrong, totally unacceptable and in some cases is breaking the Law. In the UK blackmail is considered a type of abuse and it's against the law. Always remember, you have the right to be who you are and live in peace and not be threatened. You must not tolerate threatened "outing" nor coercion / blackmail / sextortion.
  • Seek emotional support: without delay, inform a trusted friend and contact a helpline like victimsupport.org.uk which has a live chat facilities or call 08 08 16 89 111.
  • Contact the digital platform: In the UK blackmail is considered a type of abuse and it's against the law. Call the UK Police on 101 or, 999 (if you are in immediate danger). If you under 18, report as above or via the CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command).
  • Report to Social Media platforms: Use the platform's reporting tools to flag the content in the "hope" they will remove the offending comments and ban the user. Though social media companies are notorious for being despicably slack regarding taking down offensive content, at least you can tell the Police, should you have to report it, that you have contacted the platforms. Stopbullying.gov (USA) has a helpful list of links to report cyberbullying to various online platforms.
  • Contact the Police: In the UK blackmail is considered a type of abuse and it's against the law. Call the UK Police on 101 or, 999 (if you are in immediate danger). If you under 18, report as above or via the CEOP (Child Exploitation and Online Protection Command). If you go to a police station, take alng with you a trusted friend.
  • Seek advice: seek advice from LGBT+ organisation. If you are under 18 - childline.org.uk (UK) offers advice and you call them on Childline 0800 1111, as does the CEOP on online blackmail. Also consider telling a teacher you really like. Not only can the school offer advice but emotionally support you and if coercion / sextortion is by a pupil they can address this.
  • Stop responding: childline.org.uk and the nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk advise to stop replying to messages. Immediately inform a trusted friend / relative / person when you have received a message from the blackmailer and show it to them as they will offer support. Realise that the harasser / blackmailer is trying to assert psychologically power over you by saying not to tell anyone - but they are the one who is committing a criminal offence, which Police can investigate (with your gathered evidence) and the perpetrator can be jailed for. So I reiterate, tell someone you trust about this.
  • Do not pay: Do not pay: do not give into the financial demands nor try to negotiate with the offender. Again inform immediately a trusted friend / relative when you have received a financial demand from the blackmailer and show it to them. . It can help to turn off notifications as well to give you a break - but keep the evidence.
  • Document everything: Do not delete any correspondence but record all communications with /by the offender e.g. screenshot online messages or save them on your phone - with dates and times. If blackmailed via letters, keep them. This documentation will act as crucial evidence.
  • Suspend your online accounts: the nationalcrimeagency.gov.uk advises that you suspend your account on the digital platform you are receiving the threats from, though but do not delete it as it will record crucial evidence.
  • Turn off notifications: it can help to turn off notifications as a respite to the awful emotional turmoil you are experiencing. Read them if you must, when you feel ready for it, but not alone and keep the evidence.

  Remeber, those who threaten to "out" you maliciously for money or coercion are despicable schisters and they are comitting a criminal offence. They are in the wrong NOT YOU. Moreover, they are exerting psychological power over you and are counting on you not to tell anyone. If you tell someone they have partially lost control / power over you. It is utterly crucial you tell a trusted someone or contact an organisation not via social media public posts but in person, direct messaging, a helpline or via phone call. In this day and age, expert cyber detectives can try to trace social media profile owners and identify phone number owners. Also by reporting this you may save others from going through this awful threat.

Its totally not your fault that others may not accept who you are regarding your sexual orientation, race, religion ... This site illustrates how cool lesbians though history helped change the world for the better. Do not to let your self-esteem depend on the approval of others so you may want to re-evaluate any wounding relationships and their importance in your life. Don't keep it on - always talk to trusted cheerleaders / arrange a night out / soiree with your besties and pump up the volume to Gloria Gaynor's glorious "I Am What I Am".